Theme
Listening long enough to understand before deciding what to say.
Listen long enough to understand before deciding what to say.
A practice to use in your next real conversation. It is harder than it sounds and it changes most arguments.
You have a position. This finds the piece of information you are missing.
Difficult conversations usually go wrong in the first thirty seconds. This prepares only that part.
One question, chosen in advance, is usually worth more than a prepared position.
Most refused help was never actually asked for. Clarity is the whole task.
Most disagreements are two people waiting to speak rather than two people listening.
In a difficult conversation, we usually begin composing a response as soon as we recognise the shape of what is being said. Everything after that point is heard poorly.
One change alters this: say back what you understood before adding anything of your own. Not as a technique, but because it forces you to actually have understood it.
People soften noticeably when they believe they have been understood, even when the disagreement remains. Being agreed with is not what most people are asking for.
Reflect